Do you believe in love at first sight? The idea you can set your eyes on someone and instantly know that they are your soulmate and the person who you are going to spend the rest of your life with? Or maybe you believe that there is no such thing as love at first sight and it's nothing more than people getting carried away and confusing love with lust?

 

I have spoken about this with a lot of my friends and family, both male and female, and there is clearly a lot of divided opinion on this. I know people who claim to have experienced love at first sight, some of whose relationships have lasted and others whose haven't. I myself am sceptical but undecided. I wouldn't rule it out, as after all who am I to make judgements on how people claim to feel when they met their partners or ex-partners?

 

Scientists have carried out experiments on brain activity and claim it is quite possible that love at first sight exists. According to experiments, it takes approximately 13 seconds to fall in love or to estimate whether someone is worth falling in love with. Without meaning to be too pessimistic, don't we all decide in the first 13 seconds whether or not we find someone physically attractive and if we do, we don't necessarily want to marry them and have their babies!

 

The feeling we get when we have an instant attraction to someone is usually lust, so how is this differentiated from love?

 

 

Lust can be an equally as powerful emotion as love and can sometimes be so strong it simulates the same feeling and sensations of being in love so it wouldn't necessarily be hard to confuse the two emotions. When I was sixteen I had a huge crush on a guy I worked with. I was crazy about this guy and had feelings for him that I hadn't experienced with any of my other crushes. At the time, I was convinced what I was feeling was love and that I was actually in love with him. Looking back now I realise I wasn't in love with him, it was nothing more than lust. Nothing ever happened between us so of course, it wasn't love. You can't be in love with someone who has never loved you back.

 

But what if you felt so strongly for somebody the second you set eyes on them and the feeling is reciprocated? Could the fact that this immediate attraction is mutual mean that it is love and 'meant to be'? I know a couple who claim it was love at first sight for both of them when they met, and have been happily married for three years and have a baby together. They got engaged after three months and married after ten months. They both claim that when they met, within minutes of talking to each other they both just knew that they had met the person they were going to marry and spend their lives with. Is it too much of a coincidence for both parties to have felt the same way at the same time for it just to be lust, or was it simply 'lust at first sight' and this lust grew into love? This is what people who don't believe in love at first sight would argue but then, they may not believe in it simply because they have never experienced it themselves.

 

Admittedly I am not going to deny that some people do get carried away when they meet someone. They are in love with the idea of being in love and get so caught up in the moment that within a day or two of meeting someone new, they believe that they are in love and have experienced love at first sight. I am not necessarily saying that everyone who says they have experienced love at first sight get carried away. All I am saying is some people are more susceptible to falling in love very easily and may believe anyone who tells them that they love them, hence why the "I love you" line is often used as a ploy by some unscrupulous men to get women into bed. It is stereotypically women who have the reputation for getting carried away with a fairytale dream of 'finding their Prince Charming and settling down to live happy ever after'. However believe it or not, scientists claim that it is mainly MEN who claim to experience love at first sight and men aren't usually known for getting carried away with their emotions. Maybe they just keep it better hidden!

 

I have a friend who met her now ex-husband in a nightclub and he told her on their second date that the minute he saw her he knew he was going to marry her and she was going to be the mother of his children. Within months they moved in together and walked up the aisle only for it to end in divorce not long afterwards. It is uncertain if it was too much too early or if other factors were to blame. Some people would argue that most people would freak out and run a mile if a partner told them on the second date he wanted to marry them and that she was going to be the mother of his children (personally, I know I would). This indicates that whether or not you believe in love at first sight could depend on the type of person you are and how much importance you have put on meeting someone special.

 

Many people believe in fate, that there is someone out there for everyone and it is in the hands of the universe who you'll meet and settle down with and when it will happen. If this is true, then who's to say that love at first sight doesn't exist?

 

At the end of the day it all boils down to individual opinion and everyone is free to believe whatever they want about whether or not love at first sight exists. I know people who say they have experienced love at first sight and I have no reason to doubt them so I am open to opinion. We are all different so I'll leave it for you all to make up your own minds.

 

 

 Shirley Coull