Grumpy Old Man

Susan Boyle now has her own range of merchandise. Apparently you can get Susan Boyle t-shirts and bags and even a hoodie (which I presume is a hooded top and not a 14 year old thug).

Some of the "merchandise" comes with pictures of Susan, or her CD cover. One of the hoodies even comes with a picture of Susan and her cat Pebbles… For Gods' sake has the world gone completely insane??

It's not enough for every two bit celebrity to launch their own perfume and underwear brand, with a ghost written autobiography every Christmas… Now we are being offered a full range of Susan Boyle merchandise. Is there anyone who you would have thought was less suited to having their own range of merchandise?

Now I have nothing against Susan Boyle. She has a great voice and I admire her hugely for having the courage to get up and do what she did.  

BUT

Who in their right mind is going to walk down the street with a picture of Susan Boyle and her cat pebbles on their "hoodie"?

Then again - maybe it could be the solution to one of the UK's biggest anti social curses.. Maybe instead of giving teenage hoodies ASBO's and curfews - they should be made to wear a hoodie with a picture of Susan Boyle and Pebbles on it. If that doesn't stop them re -offending nothing will.

 

 

The current UK recession does not appear to have hit the Beckhams..

Last week Victoria Beckham apparently spent £400,000 on a watch and £100,000 on clothes in one afternoon…

Now I know that the Beckhams don't live in the real world but did no one think to tell her that publicising this was a little bit insensitive??

When asked about it she apparently said that she felt good putting some money into the economy when it was struggling- clearly she also doesn't realise that Milan is not part of the UK. 

And what kind of watch costs £400,000? Is it like one of those James Bond watches that turns into a gun and can trace a stolen Ukrainian fighter jet around the world?  You certainly have to hope that for £400k it will at the very least be able to remind her when it's time to eat..  

And while were on the topic of the recession - If Gordon Brown is supposed to have single handedly saved the global economy - how is it that Britain is still the only country in recession? 

My recollection of Gordon Brown when he was chancellor is of that of a man who constantly told us about the value of being prudent.

He had prudent budgets, prudent spending plans, was raised on a diet of prudence and tightness - he even had a prudent haircut. Yet all this time whilst he was pledging his undying love for Prudence it turns out that he was actually shafting every one of us on the side and was pissing away every penny that we had.

He now tells us that we must vote for him again as he is the only man with the "experience to manage the economy", the man who can "make sure that Britain is prepared for the new world that lies ahead"… 

Now I am not a labour basher, not even a Brown basher, in my opinion they are all as bad as each other - but how stupid does Gordon Brown think we are?

·         He sold all of our gold for peanuts - just before gold came back into financial fashion.

·         He has taxed everything in the UK that is not nailed down.

·         He screwed millions of pensioners by changing pension fund legislation.

·         Our economy has been completely shafted - on his watch.

·         While just about EVERY other country in the world is now well on the road to recovery - the UK is not.

·         And despite the fact that our debt burden is something that even Ocean Finance wouldn't touch - he still wants to spend more money "to stimulate the economy" he has already killed. 

Despite all this - when he was asked last week why we should vote for him in the next election he actually said that it was important for the country to have a "safe pair of hands" at the helm.

Sponge Bob Square Pants would be a safer pair of hand than Gordon Brown.

We would all be as well voting for the Monster Raving Looney Party this time around. Infact, if a facebook campaign can keep the X- Factor from the Christmas number one - maybe we need a "Vote Raving Looney facebook campaign". Let's face it - they couldn't do much worse than the rest of them..

 

 

Don't know if you've noticed - but the weather has been quite poor recently. Bit of snow here and there - been a bit cold.

For those of us who live in Scotland - we'd known about it for about three weeks before they started to show it on the TV.

The BBC only really got interested when the snow started to drift past Carlisle - but God how they've made up for lost time. You'd think it was the worst weather the world has ever seen.

We've seen pictures of cars stuck in snow, buses stuck in snow, cats - stuck in snow. And the rest of the world seems to have stopped to watch because there is almost no other news. It's just snow, snow and how skint Manchester United and Liverpool are.  

And as the snow got closer to the BBC centre - well you'd think that "The Day After Tomorrow" had actually been a prophecy.

We're seeing more of the weather forecasters now than we are seeing of David Tennant. I've no bloody idea why - these are the same "experts" who predicted a barbecue summer and a mild winter - they seem to know as much about the weather as I know about quantum mechanics.

Still, at least the climate change people have gone quiet… bad enough they had all those leaked e-mails to talk their way out of telling us how they fiddled the figures - now they have to figure good old fashioned cold winters into their equations.  I bet they are all beavering away at their laptops this very minute concocting new models to prove that they were right all along.. and linking the whole thing to melting polar ice caps and shifting global thingy's.

And what on earth is it with all the graphics that have to accompany every news story?

"We're going to discuss the bad weather now" - so we'll show you a picture of a car stuck in a snow drift with lots of nice wintry graphics. I KNOW WHAT SNOW LOOKS LIKE - If I want to see snow I'll just look out of my window. If you tell me it's snowing I WILL KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT .

There was even one bright-eyed outside broadcast presenter on BBC breakfast time who - when trying to emphasise how many working hours would be lost because of snow - tried to write the number in the snow on a car windscreen. JUST TELL ME THE NUMBER - I WILL UNDERSTAND.

And it's not just the weather - it's everywhere.

"House prices increased by 1.5% last month" - so we'll show you a picture of a house with a for sale sign and we'll write 1.5% in huge red letters over the top of the picture - just so all you dumplings understand what the story is about.

FOR GOD'S SAKE STOP PATRONISING US - those of us who are not bright enough to understand the news probably don't watch it anyway.. opting instead for the Daily Star or the Daily Sport versions where the pictures tell the stories and the  headlines are about Elvis working in the Poundland in Clapham - you know the one just next door to Michael Jackson's new kebab shop.

The Snow is Gone - But Beware the Water…

Well the snow is gone - and now apparently we have to be worried about "the thaw". Not quite sure how much money the Government has spent telling us all to be careful now that the snow has melted. Apparently there could be lots of water on the roads and some of it might even fall from our guttering if we are not careful. So we should drive carefully and look for danger.

Most of us who have been resident in the UK have some experience of water - after all we're not exactly famed for our tropical climate. Yet the Government still think they have to spend millions on a radio campaign telling us to be careful. More evidence of this nanny state gone mad.

  

Microsoft Help?

I had a problem with my PC the other day - don't think it's anything major. Went onto the Microsoft website to look for some advice. After searching around for a while and finding nothing of any help I thought I'd just drop them an e-mail. Now maybe it's just me - but I had never before realised that Microsoft charge you to answer your queries - and not just a couple of pence.

£46.00.

Yes £46.00 to be guaranteed an e-mail answer within one day.

Or £46.00 to speak to someone on the phone. 

Not satisfied with cornering the entire market with their over priced software - they then want to screw you even further if you want to talk to them to get their help to fix a problem with that software. 

Now that's taking the P**s in't it?

 

 Prime Ministers Question Time

I watched Prime Ministers Question Time on Wednesday. Now most of you will be much too busy working to see this lunchtime extravaganza - but I was in the house and I thought I'd have a look -after all there is an election looming.

These fine men and women are our elected representatives, they are paid a healthy salary (plus I believe a generous expense system) to represent us. 

…What an adolescent, ill mannered, incoherent rabble they are.

There is no intellectual debate, no measured commentary. Just juvenile jibes, immature jeers and points scoring.

If they behaved like that in a school playground or classroom they would no doubt be suspended. They talk of the curse of anti-social behaviour in this country - yet their own behaviour  is nothing short of embarrassing.

These are the people who are running our country.

And we wonder why we are in such a bloody mess.

If you have not had the pleasure of thirty minutes in the company of our elected representatives - watch it, sky plus it - whatever.

If you are in any doubt about who to vote for in the next election - I guarantee that this will make your mind up for you.

You won't want to vote for any of them.

The Glamour Of The Premiership

The owners of Manchester United have apparently pulled off their latest elaborate scheme to push the clubs debt back under the carpet for a while longer.

The Glazier-family has secured its £500 million pound bond issue. Now I've read all of the financial papers - and can't pretend to have understood many of them - but the long and the short of it appears to be that they intend paying off the current debt - by borrowing from a different source (the bond issue). 

A bit like paying off your debt to Ocean Finance by borrowing the cash from Fat Tony.

When Manchester United played Burnley last week apparently the Burnley fans were teasing the United fans by singing "we've got more money than you". And they have.

When the Glaziers bought Manchester United in 2005 they passed on the £540m worth of debt that they borrowed to buy the club. The debt now stands at about £700 million apparently.

But whatever way you dress it up - the debt is still there. And it's a lot of money..

Yet from the moment the Glaziers proposed this take-over,  this was always on the cards. What I can't quite understand is how the deal ever got passed in the first place.

"So you want to buy a football - sorry soccer - club Mr Glazier?"

"Hell Yea"

"Ah good choice Manchester United one of the most respected clubs in the World. Excellent." 

"Manchester - yes siree - sure is a fine franchise"

"Now let's go through your business plan - so you plan to take a club with no debt. Borrow all the money to pay for the purchase at incredibly high interest rates and then immediately transfer all that debt into the name of the club?"

"Yes - that looks fine sir."

"Now just before we go ahead I hope you appreciate Mr Glazier that the Premiership takes it's financial responsibility very seriously and before anyone can buy a club they must pass a thorough 'Fit And Proper Person' check."

"Now can you spell your own surname sir?"

-long pause-

"G- L -A- Z- I- E- R"

"Perfect sir - you are clearly fit and proper - welcome to the Premiership"

And despite the most successful spell in the club's history (three successive league titles, one Champions League, one losing European final and the highest average attendances in world football), they only avoided a massive loss by selling Cristiano Ronaldo for the world's biggest ever fee, £81m. And that's not the kind of sale you can make every year to balance the books.

But it's not just Manchester United - most of the clubs in the Premiership are in debt - Portsmouth are close to going out of business. Liverpool are in dire straits. Bolton, Hull…. The list goes on.

So it seems like the richest, most glamorous league in the world is actually built on nothing more than hype and goodwill.

There are few Premiership clubs now in the hands of British owners - and one day in the not too distant future when the glamour has gone, when they fancy a new toy, or when there is no-one left to borrow money from, they will all walk away - and they will leave a hell of a mess behind them.